You compliment me; I’ll compliment you; We’ll both be us:
I believe one of the greatest compliments one can give to a women is to simply remind her of that which she can’t deny, her womanhood. I believe, as women we have forgotten the great honor of which we carry. But it goes much deeper than this. Every woman needs to be reminded, particularly in our society, that she is in fact a woman, and this is a great honor.
“So, that’s cool. Yeah, good positive thought there, Jana. But what do I do with that?” We need to be better at pin-pointing what it is we are good at, what we give to one another, and how we are designed. It’s easy to be encouraged or to be drawn to others by the good within them. Often times we find ourselves wishing we could imitate these people and their good acts. But, how often do we thank God for the good in them? How often do we ask how we may serve in the way He has created us to do so? Have we not quoted Psalm 139:14 more times than we can count? “I praise you, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Well then, how are we made?
Schutz’s Basic Assumption of Needs Theory states humans have three basic needs that require a bit of maintenance. In his theory, Schutz states the human relational needs are reciprocal. Meaning, we want to both express and receive our needs verbally and nonverbally. So, what do we as men and women want? If Schutz’s theory reigns true, what is it that we express and receive to one another?
For the fact that it’s currently 1 a.m. and I have an exam tomorrow, I’m leaving you hanging on an aspect of this question. But here’s what I’ve got so far…
WHAT YOU’VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR:
What do women want? Protection and Provision
What do women both give and receive? Emotional and Social support.
Maybe an Example will bring forth more clarity:
Sally walks into a room. Unconsciously Sally skims the people already in the room. Second she quickly analyzes the current mood of those already in the room. She then adapts herself to the needed mood and does her best to either maintain or transform this mood through means of understanding, connecting, and watching those surrounding her. Unable to connect, Sally leaves the room feeling responsible. What is it Sally feels responsible for? (*Hint: Go back to what women both give and receive)
It starts Deep Down:
We all want to feel needed on some level. Yet, as a woman, we have a deep desire to nurture. Though we are all made differently, woman across the planet have been known to connect on very deep levels. Even when speaking different languages, this level of connection exists. What level is this? A connection in which we all desire to mother, take care of, and support. Somewhere deep down we are always thinking of how we may best play this role.
Fostering what we know:
I’m currently enrolled in a class where we’re asked to meet with one boy and one girl outside of class each month for at least an hour. What we talk about or do during this hour is totally up to the two spending time together. Just as class was beginning, I agreed to meet with the guy sitting next to me for the upcoming months project (For now, this friend will be named Trent). As we exited the classroom, Trent and I walked out together. He told me he had noticed the shoes I was wearing, and made a projection based off some of the people I was friends with. He proceeded to asked if I like the outdoors. When I responded with a yes, he then made the proposition that we take a hike in a local park and he quickly asked my opinion. When I responded with ease that I agreed, he then projected the time, date and yet again asked for my input. Trent did something here I believe is noteworthy. Trent made the situation easy for me to role-play, which deep down was exactly what I wanted. He allowed me to be the woman even in the simplest of forms. Trent may not have noticed what he did here, but he led me. Now, let me shoot straight here, Trent and I are not dating, nor do we have intentions of doing so, although these qualities are attractive about him. Trent communicated to me that he was not afraid to make decisions, and he was confident in his idea. But, he still allowed room for change by asking my opinion. If Trent had suggested Starbucks, Sonic, or anything else typical of our project, my response probably would not have changed. If Trent had not proposed his idea, I more than likely would have done so myself. Yet, what was so nice here was how Trent reminded me of the simple joy it is to be a girl- A girl eager to follow a loving God. As silly as it may sound, Trent reminded me of the gospel by giving me the chance to play my role and play it well. He laid out the platform for me and I attempted to give it right back to him. By no means did I get the idea that Trent was “in to me” or anything of that sort. Trent simply played his role well, enabling me to do the same.
How to do the opposite:
This one has been noticed by many and also over looked. It’s discrete, and yet so much can be communicated by it. When a male is talking with a female about protecting, taking care of, or watching out for another female, the female being talked to quickly plans in her mind how to provide protection to the one in need. This is in fact what she wishes to do, meet others needs, isn’t it? The woman quickly begins to not only feel emotionally responsible, but physically responsible for the woman being spoken of. She begins to feel inadequate, because she knows she is incapable of this to some extent. One of her many deep desires is to be protected and provided for. When asked by the main role player of these actions to do these stated things, she begins to feel not worthy of protection in the way she once thought. She then feels it may be wrong to even admit this is in fact one of her desires. As a woman, we need to learn how to how to negate these thoughts type of thoughts.
I hope that men and women can be encouraged to spur one another on by having a small understanding of how we were each designed and can together replicate such a beautiful story. How has God gifted you today and how can you use these gifts to draw out the gifts in others?